Whatever, Next Dept.

As the Official Internet Columnist to the Stars, I have to have my fingers pressed firmly to the skillet of what's hot. And those fingers will burn before I let you get sneered at by the gatekeepers of cool, people that will smile through picket-fence forced smiles as they look for the exit while you try and make small talk about something quickly sliding off the pop culture radar.

Here's my latest chart (to appear in the May 11th issue of Vanity Fair) of what's starting to stink up the back porch, what you can stick a fork in, and what you will soon be screening out on the Caller ID. Of course, by next week this list is going to reek like last night's leftover tuna, but let's not tell the folks at Condé Nast just yet.




SO DONE: O.J.
OVER IT: Robert Blake
WHATEVER, NEXT: Tom Cruise

SO DONE: sushi
OVER IT: tapas
WHATEVER, NEXT: human pancreas

SO DONE: Iraq
OVER IT: Syria
WHATEVER, NEXT: Japan

SO DONE: Britney & Xtina
OVER IT: Avril & Michelle
WHATEVER, NEXT: Bathroom tapes of Hilton sisters urinating and doing blow

SO DONE: The Bachelor
OVER IT: Mr. Personality
WHATEVER, NEXT: The Castrato Donkey-Man

SO DONE: Al Qaeda link
OVER IT: Weapons of Mass Destruction
WHATEVER, NEXT: Saddam defeats GWB in 1986 game of Stratego

SO DONE: West Nile
OVER IT: SARS
WHATEVER, NEXT: Bleeding out through the urethra accompanied by high-pitched whistling sound

SO DONE: thongs
OVER IT: low-rider jeans
WHATEVER, NEXT: designer butt-plugs

SO DONE: WFOoBH?
OVER IT: bunsen[DOT]tv
WHATEVER, NEXT: suicidenote.bunsen.tv

SO DONE: Winona
OVER IT: Rose
WHATEVER, NEXT: Winona, Rose, Winona, Very Brief Refractory Period, Rose, Rose, Unexpected Visit from Maid Service, Feather Duster, Rose


[Permalink] | [E-mail]